


Pun in the Snow

by TheDeathEcchi



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Puns, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Humor, Meihem - Freeform, NSFW, Smut, commission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 15:19:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13484286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeathEcchi/pseuds/TheDeathEcchi
Summary: A simple research trip? A quiet getaway? A chance to ramp up their relationship? All these things and more await Mei and Junkrat during a snowy Overwatch mission.





	Pun in the Snow

**Author's Note:**

> This is a commission for the wonderful Amuerion, a darling, sweet, diamond of a cinnamon roll who wanted a very specific kind of story, and thought I'd be just the person to bring it to life. Incidentally, she was right. ;3 I'm pretty sure this is my biggest story to date, and I loved every second. Amuerion, thanks for the commission, the opportunity, and the encouraging words throughout this project. Your faith in me really spurred me on, and I hope you (and all you other lovely Meihem shippers) enjoy Pun in the Snow. I know I did~!

Soft, hazel eyes opened to the sound of gentle birdsong. Sunlight streamed through the gap of the curtains in a wide, welcoming beam. With a yawn and a light stretch, Mei woke, greeting the day with a smile.

And promptly shrieked as a scrawny, gangly arm gripped the front of her nightgown and yanked her back down.

"Jamison!" Mei squealed, mock indignation mixed with laughter as a very familiar Australian planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

"And a good mornin' ta you, too, snowflake." he grinned, gently moving Mei's head to the side to nibble at her neck. She purred softly at the feel of his canines brushing against her flesh, feeling a pleasurable shudder course through her body. "Sleep well?"

"Hardly slept," she replied, playfully sticking her tongue out at him. "A certain _someone_ kept me up most of the night."

Junkrat cackled, his hyena-like laughter filling Mei's ears. "Don't tell me ya didn't enjoy yerself."

Mei gripped Junkrat's cheeks, brushing away a spot of dirt she must've missed the night prior. Satisfied, she leaned in to kiss him, curling her tongue on his lower lip as she pulled away. "I did, but it would behoove you to stay humble."

The Australian cackled and pulled Mei closer. "No idea wot you said, darl."

She loved waking up like this. To warm sunlight, in the embrace of a mad bomber. Before, his sharp, acrid smell of grease and gunpowder had been a deterrent. Now she relished the scent, missed it when it was gone.

"Think we got time fer a quickie ‘fore Ape Escape calls us in?"

As if on cue, Winston's voice blared through the intercom. "Attention, all agents. Attention, all agents; please report to the main hall for morning briefing."

Junkrat grumbled in frustration, muttering something about 'cockblocking monkeys' before hopping out of bed and making his way to the shower. Mei eyed his backside as he went, silently wishing Winston's call had come just a few minutes later.

-/-/-/-/-

As Junkrat and Mei arrived, the main hall was the usual scene of early morning relaxation; Hana was playing some game while Lúcio was watching with rapt attention. Torbjörn was tinkering with an object in his lap, likely a new turret design. Ana was enjoying a cup of tea with Roadhog, Angela, and Fareeha, while Reinhardt rubbed the elderly sniper's shoulders. Soldier 76 was cleaning his weapon, and McCree was barely awake. Lena was twirling a pencil between her fingers, seemingly enraptured by the task. Zarya was occupying herself with a pair of dumbbells, while Genji and Zenyatta sat patiently, awaiting Winston to speak. Hanzo stood in the corner, far from the group, regarding them all with his trademark disaffected glare. Satya was looking over her latest schematics, and lastly, in the corner, was Bastion, idle as Ganymede flitted about, Orisa by his side and regarding him with a sisterly gaze. 

Junkrat, naturally, took his seat next to Roadhog, Mei sticking close by to the younger junker.

"Well, it seems everyone's here." spoke Winston, adjusting his glasses. "Ahem. Hana, would you mind turning that off, please?"

"Hang on, I'm almost done."

"Can't you--"

"No, I can't pause."

Winston sighed and looked at the group with a pleading look. 76 stood, walked over to Hana, and plucked the game from her fingers, flicking it off.

"Hey!" she shouted, leaping at the soldier, only for him to hold it above her head. "Give that back!"

"After the meeting. Pay attention." Leaving no room for discussion, he returned to his seat, Hana doing the same with a series of angry mutterings.

"Okay..." Winston cleared his throat, and began in earnest. "Well, I've gathered you all here today to discuss some news. For the foreseeable future, we're going to be quite busy. I have several missions in mind for you based on your skill sets." His massive fingers typed away on the keypad behind him, bringing up a projection of the world, several glowing points appearing across it. 

"Hana, the Korean Government has issued a call for you. The Omnic that ravaged your homeland has reappeared and they need your assistance in its repulsion." 

"Can do." smirked the gamer, facing 76. "I've got some aggression to sort out, anyway."

"Yes, very good, but the situation is...especially dire, so they've asked for extra assistance. To that end, I'm sending Lúcio and Hanzo with you."

Hana was aghast. "Oh, WHAT!? Him!?" She pointed a finger at the elder Shimada. "Lúcio's fine, but why do I gotta deal with Old Man Chicken Legs!?"

"Believe me, this situation is less than ideal for me as well." snapped Hanzo. "I've been reduced to a babysitter."

"Oh, now you've done it..." whispered Lúcio as Hana rounded on the archer.

"'Babysitter'!? Say that to my face, you skinny-legged, brother complex geezer!"

Ever cool, Hanzo replied "Should I kneel, or find a stepladder for you?"

"Buuuuuuuuuurn..." giggled Lena, as Hana stomped towards Hanzo, light gun drawn...

"Children, behave." chided Ana, not even looking in their direction. "Save your fighting for after the mission."

Hana holstered her weapon and returned to her seat. "Chicken legs."

Glad the situation was at least somewhat resolved, Winston moved down the list. "I've caught wind of Talon operatives in Egypt attempting to take control of the technology there. Pharah, as you know the location, I'm sending you, along with Bastion, Satya, and Torbjörn as your defense, and your mother."

"Understood."

"Good. Now, Lena, this concerns you. Riots have broken out in King's Row. I need you in charge of urban pacification, so I'm sending you with Reinhardt, Soldier 76, and Angela."

"Roger, luv. Want me to get you a souvenir on the way back?"

"Lena, this is hardly the time. There's important work to be done, and I doubt you'll have the time to just go shopping in the middle of an uprising."

The British girl smirked. "Oh, so I _shouldn't_ make a stop at that candy store that sells the huge tins of peanut brittle?"

All eyes were on Winston, who looked at the floor, suddenly becoming very interested in the tiles.

"...Well...you can if you want." he muttered sheepishly.

Smirking in triumph, Lena returned to her pencil twirling.

Composing himself, Winston continued. "Genji, you and Zenyatta will be off to Hanamura. A local crime syndicate is attempting to fill the vacuum left behind from your clan's, er, collapse..." He trailed off, realizing he must've hit a sore spot for the sword-wielder.

If it bothered him, Genji didn't let it show. "Not to worry. We will pacify them swiftly."

"Alright, then. That leaves McCree, Roadhog, Zarya, and Orisa. You'll be off to Lijiang Tower--"

" _Nyet*_."

Winston faced Zarya, who had stopped with her workout regimen to give him a cold stare. "I'm sorry?"

"I do not work with Omnics." she said simply. "You know this." Opposite her, Roadhog crossed his arms and nodded in affirmation.

"If I could send anyone else, I would, believe me, but the two of you are some of our most durable members."

"Why not send climatologist?" Zarya gestured to Mei. "Her homeland. She knows area and language. Better suited for her."

"Well, I--er, was getting to that. Mei, I need you on a special assignment."

"What is it?" asked the brunette. 

"I've received word from some of our operatives in the north of a strange weather anomaly. Nothing too dangerous or unpredictable, just something unique that's worth looking into. Your climatological expertise is vital for such a mission."

Mei was ecstatic. A strange weather anomaly? This was the kind of thing she lived for! Breathed for! Spent hours in schools and labs for!

"From the look on your face, I can tell you're excited." chuckled Winston. "I'm sorry, Zarya, but that's the situation."

The weightlifter glowered and faced Orisa, who gave her a small, friendly wave.

"Fine. But I'm not happy about it."

"Me neither." huffed Roadhog.

"Noted. Oh, Junkrat, you're with Mei for this mission. She could use the...security."

While ordinarily Junkrat would take offense at the skeptic pause Winston used, he was too happy to care. A mission? Alone, with the snowflake of his life? A dream come true if there ever was.

"Where does that leave you, Winston?" asked Angela.

"Someone has to hold down the fort. There's enough supplies to last months, and the security measures are all in place. I'll be fine."

He cleared his throat and looked around the crowd. Sensing no further objections, he stood. "The details of your missions have been sent to your tablets; review them as soon as you can, please."

The group stood and returned to their rooms. All but one.

McCree awoke with a snort, looking around the now empty hall. "What'd I miss?"

-/-/-/-/-

With Lena as their only pilot and the Orca as their only ship, the others had to rely on alternative means of transport. Namely other Overwatch agents arriving to get them to their destinations. Mei and Junkrat's would be coming the next morning, giving them a relatively small window to pack.

One thing about Junkrat. He was absolutely horrible at packing. Not because of a lack of desire to do it, but because he tended to pack like he was going to war, regardless of the mission.

"Seventeen bear traps, Jamie?" asked Mei skeptically as she surveyed his suitcase.

"Safety measures, love!" he retorted, looking over which bombs to bring. "There's bears in tha north! Gotta make sure none of ’em get tha idea ta mess wit us."

"You can take five, and no more."

Junkrat looked as though he'd been slapped. "Five!? We going to a tea party!?"

Mei sighed and shook her head, looking over her own packing. For a while, the only sounds in the room were of Junkrat huffing as he removed and reorganized. 

"Will you be okay without Roadhog?" Mei asked before she could stop herself.

"Yeah, no worries. Me’n Roadie ain't gotta be tagether all tha time. 'Sides, he'll be too busy getting balls deep in that Ruski a his."

A case of coolant slipped from Mei's fingers as Junkrat's words reached her brain, clattering to the floor below. "He...ah...WHAT!?"

"Wot, ya didn't know?" chortled Junkrat. "Ain't you supposed ta be the smart one? Roadie'n what's-her-'tato been going at it fer nearly six months. Ain't you heard the sounds?"

Mei sputtered in surprise as her cheeks flushed. "I-I-I assumed he was working on something!"

Junkrat burst into cackles and fell onto his back, legs waving wildly in the air. "Oh, yeah! He's workin' awright! Givin' that buff sheila tha ride of ‘er life!" He got into a sitting position and spoke in a truly horrible impression of Zarya, it was just a slightly higher pitch and a _ghastly_ excuse for a Russian accent. "'Oh, _da_! Harder, pig man! Harder! Stir my insides! Carve shape of cock in--'"

"Stop, stop, stop!" hollered Mei between barely-suppressed giggles as she tackled Junkrat. He kept going, however, forcing Mei to clasp her hand over his mouth. "So I might not have known, but still--" She yelped and pulled her hand away, looking at Junkrat in shock. "You licked my hand!"

The junker waggled his eyebrows at her. "Want me ta lick something else?"

Mei covered her face in her hands as she lowered herself against Junkrat's chest. "You are such a degenerate..."

"Flattery'll get ya everywhere, darl."

Mei sighed, but her mood abated as she heard the steady bump-de-bump of Junkrat's heartbeat. It was so calm and steady, a sharp contrast to the wildman it belonged to. It was so rhythmic, so...constant.

And she would've gotten lost in that steady bump-de-bump, were it not for the feeling of something poking her leg.

"Now?" Mei huffed. "Really?"

Junkrat didn't even have the decency to feign shame, only give a smarmy grin. "Most beautiful lady in tha whole wide world's on toppa me; expect anything less?"

What retort she formed died on her lips as she looked at Junkrat. Really looked. That smoldering, goldenrod gaze. That wicked, toothy grin. To think, so long ago, the very sight of him repulsed her. Now she was trying her best to burn whatever face he made into her mind. 

"Well..." Mei said, her hand drifting to Junkrat's lap. "We never got the chance to do it this morning..."

"Wuz just thinkin' tha same thing!" Junkrat bit his lip in anticipation as Mei's hand dipped beneath the waistband of his trousers, soft fingers seeking hardened flesh--

"Guys!" Hana's loud voice rang in their ears as she burst into the room. "Either of you have any extra solar lam--oh, GROSS!"

Mei and Junkrat sprang off each other as the gamer covered her eyes and made exaggerated gagging noises. "Ain't ya ever heard of knocking, kiddo!?" snapped the junker.

"Didn't you ever hear of locking the door?"

"What do you need, Hana?" Mei asked, eager to diffuse the situation, and ideally get back to 'business'. 

"I need solar lamps. Any extras? Preferably ones you guys didn't...do stuff near?"

Refusing to meet Hana's gaze, Mei went to her drawer and retrieved a solar lamp, handing it to Korean girl.

"Thanks. You guys...feel free to go back to what you were doing."

"Didn't need yer approval, but thanks, squirt."

"JAMISON!"

-/-/-/-/-

Night fell, and with it came a gentle hush over the watchpoint. Mei and Junkrat were to be out first thing in the morning, and the former was relaxing the best way she knew how. A steaming hot bath.

Mei sighed in bliss as she sank into the water, feeling the aches and pains of the day slowly ebb away. The smell of lavender wafted through the room, courtesy of the scented candles along the tub's edge.

She might have had bad experiences with ice, but there was nothing like dipping yourself into some nice, sudsy, close-but-not-really-to boiling water. Speaking of suds...

Eyes still closed in bliss, she reached out to grope for the bottle of bubble bath. And instead felt not the plastic of the bottle. But something rather fleshy.

Daring to crack an eye open, hazel met gold, dropped jaw met snarky grin.

"G'day, Mei."

All of a sudden, Mei realized what she was holding.

Frowning, Mei tightened her grip. The reaction was immediate.

"Owowowowowow!" wailed Junkrat, all bravado gone. "Easy, there, darl! Don't go ripping off my other treasures!"

"What are you doing in here!?" she exclaimed. "And why are you naked!?"

"Well, it _is_ a bathroom, Snowflake."

Again, Mei squeezed. A pained yelp rose up from the junker.

“And ah was hoping fer a little rub-a-dub in tha tub, owowowowow, leggo, leggo!”

Mei released Junkrat, the blonde letting out a light hiss as he rubbed his groin. “Y’know, ah might get used to that…helluva grip ya got there.”

“Jamie…”

“Awright, no more jokes, darl. Join ya in the bath?”

Mei raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you promise not to try anything funny?”

“Nope!” he replied with a smug smile.

Rolling her eyes and smiling, she beckoned him in with a finger. Rather than leap in like she expected, he simply removed his metal limbs, set them on the counter, and dipped his leg in. “Ooh, almost as hot as you, darl.”

“How can you say those things with a straight face?” giggled Mei.

He shrugged. “Practice.”

The feel of his leg against hers was heavenly. He settled into the water with a contented groan. “Damn, this is ah treat.”

Mei knew Junkrat’s hygienic habits; regularly bathing didn’t exactly fit into his mindset. Often, it took the combined efforts of herself and Roadhog just to get him to rinse off. Once a month was usually the best they could do. “I wasn’t aware you were a fan of baths.”

“Ain’t tha bath ah’m enjoying.” Junkrat replied. “It’s tha wet, naked lady.”

“Why am I not surprised…”

Junkrat moved closer to Mei, regarding her with that predatory look she knew all too well. Her heart began beating faster, her whole body becoming warmer, having nothing to do with the water. Was he going to fulfill his promise of ‘rub-a-dub in the dub’?

“Psst…Mei?”

The climatologist swallowed. “Y-Yes?”

Without another word, he dropped below the water. Mei instinctively spread her legs, biting her lip as she awaited Junkrat’s–

He resurfaced, his chin now sporting a white, sudsy beard. He spread out his arms and smiled ear to ear, and shouted ‘Merry Bathtub!’ at top volume.

To say Mei was stunned was the understatement of the millennium.

It started at first with giggles, then a snort, then Mei erupted into full-on, gutbusting, tears streaming from eyes laughter. She didn’t even care as water splashed onto the tub, she was laughing so hard.

Junkrat joined in her laughter, the two’s glee lasting long after the water grew cold and the suds dissolved.

-/-/-/-/-

“Oh, Roadie! We’s gonna be apart! Say it ain’t so!”

Junkrat was exaggeratedly bawling as sat atop the elder junker’s shoulders, arms wrapped around his head. Roadhog, impassive as ever, was scouting the sky, silently hoping for the transport to arrive soon.

“Now, now, no tears, ol’ buddy’a mine!” Junkrat covered his face with an arm as he patted Roadhog’s meaty shoulder. “We’ll be back before ya know it. It’ll be hard, ah know, but ya gotta persevere, mate. Be strong, fer the both of us!”

Mei watched the scene unfold, hiding giggles behind her hand.

It might’ve been unbelievably early in the morning (the sun was barely peeking out), but Mei and Junkrat had awoken bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, eager for the mission to commence.

Snowball buzzed excitedly around Mei, forgetting itself as it zoomed over to Roadhog. For the first time since appearing at the heliport, Roadhog moved; to stare down Snowball. The little robot beeped in shock, swiftly moving back to the safety of Mei’s side.

“…and don’tcha worry, ah’m nuttin’ but a call away! So feel free ta give yer dear buddy a hol—”

Junkrat squeaked as Roadhog’s massive hand enclosed his waist, hoisting him up. “Transport’s coming.”

True to his words, an aircraft had appeared on the horizon and was steadily approaching. Mei turned to Junkrat and held out a bright orange mitten, a scarf, and a small parka. “Here. I know you don’t like winter wear, but you should have something.”

“Unnecessary, darl! Ah’ll be just fine.”

Mei frowned. “Remember the last time you were ‘fine’, and Angela nearly had to get you new fingers?”

“Well—”

“Or the time before that when you were so cold you slipped into a coma and spent two weeks in bed?”

“That was—”

“Or the time before _that_ , when you were too cold to move during a mission and Roadhog had to carry you the whole time?”

The towering Australian chuckled. “That was funny.”

“Oi, shut yer piggy face!” Junkrat snapped, crossing his arms in a huff.

“Jamie, please. It’s going to be very, very, _very_ cold up there, and I don’t want anything to happen to you. Pretty please? For me?” For extra effect, she stuck out her lower lip in a pout.

There was no way for him to resist.

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh…” Junkrat hopped off Roadhog’s shoulder and started putting on the clothes. “Fine, fine…but ah’m not happy ‘bout it!”

Smiling, Mei leaned up to give Junkrat a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you.” Her smile widened at the gooey look that crossed Junkrat’s face. Next to him, Roadhog rolled his unseen eyes.

Once the aircraft landed, the group set about packing. With Roadhog’s help, they were done in no time. Before they left, Mei wrapped her arms around the elder junker in a hug. Or rather, tried.

“We’ll keep in touch as well as we can, Mr. Roadhog.”

“Hm.” he replied, giving the brunette a pat on the head.

“I’ll make sure he stays out of trouble.”

She didn’t miss the weary sigh that came from him, almost as if to say ‘Finally, someone else can deal with him.’

They boarded, and Junkrat waved excitedly, his blurred hand a contrast to Mei’s more polite farewell. Roadhog’s response was his trademark thumbs-up. The door closed behind them, and they were off, his massive form gradually fading away.

-/-/-/-/-

The trip took hours. More than once Junkrat tried to pass the time by feeling up Mei, but she rebuffed every advance, not exactly wanting to get busy in a moving aircraft on the way to a mission. It was an exercise in self-control to be sure, for both of them.

Eventually, blue gave way to white, with the sea replaced by an ocean of green. Mei looked out from the window, brown eyes twinkling in delight. “Junkrat, _kàn**_! We’re here!”

Getting to his feet, Junkrat joined Mei by the window, letting out a low whistle at the sight below. “Well, if that ain’t tha second-prettiest sight I’ve seen today.”

“Second-prettiest?”

“Yeah.” He leaned in close to Mei and whispered in her ear. “Yer tha prettiest.”

Mei’s breath hitched as Junkrat’s hand dipped between her legs and his teeth graze her ear. “Jamiiiiiiiiiiiiiie…”

“Ooh, yeah, that’s a nice sound, darl.” His voice lowered to a husky growl. “Feel like makin’ more?”

“We caaan’t...”

“Ya been saying that fer hours, darl! It’s bad ta back things up, y’know. Bad ta leave a man so hungry fer his sheila. Does things to a fella.”

Mei turned around, batting her eyelashes at the junker. “Oh? Do elaborate, _chǒng'ér***_.”

Junkrat leaned in close, his breath hot against Mei’s neck. “Ya got me all hot and bothered, Snowflake. Harder than a rock.” To prove his point, Junkrat moved his hands to Mei’s waist, guiding her rear to his prominent erection. She purred at the feel of it pressing against her, biting her lip as her brain conjured up image after image of what he could do…what he likely _would_ do.

“Jamie…” she whispered in a husky tone. “Jamie…”

“Save yer words, darl. You’ll be calling my name soon en—”

“Attention!” came the pilot’s voice over the intercom. “All passengers return to their seats; we’re preparing to land.”

“ _Fer fuck’s sake!_ ” shrieked Junkrat, and Mei had to agree. “Wot kinda cruel bastard up there’s stopping me from bonin’ my lady!?”

-/-/-/-/-

Junkrat was still grumbling as they disembarked. His mood, however, improved when he saw how Mei reacted. The second she stepped off the aircraft, it was as if she was a child again. She leapt into the snow, almost disappearing into the drifts. Musical laughter flowed from her as she frolicked, scooping up big handfuls of snow and tossing them into the air.

In that moment, Junkrat thought she never looked cuter.

“Er…” Junkrat whipped around to see the pilot gesturing a thumb back at the aircraft. “Should we start unloading?”

The Australian looked back at Mei, who was happily making a little snowman with Snowball.

“Eh, give ‘er a few more minutes.”

Once Mei had her fun, they began unloading. Taking the aircraft to the location of their lodgings would be difficult, if outright impossible, due to the terrain and climate. This meant they had to unload all of their equipment and amenities, load them onto the cart, and drive up there. A daunting task, made all the more arduous by the snow-covered trail.

Mei was looking around the environment, marveling at the serene, glistening white of the mountain and the minimal modernization of it. She furiously took notes in her journal, the _scratch-scratch_ of her pencil almost rhythmic as she wrote.

“We better not be shacked up in some rinky-dink lil’ dollhouse.” Junkrat huffed, pulling his scarf tighter. “If we get up there and it’s some collapsing fort, ah’m leaving.”

“We’re still technically outlaws.” replied Mei. “It’s unlikely Winston could muster anything extravagant. We’ll just have to make do with what we g–“

“ _Holy piss!_ ” The cart screeched to a stop as Junkrat slammed the breaks, pointing dead ahead. “Darl! Wouldjya take a lookit _that_!”

If Mei hadn’t seen it, she wouldn’t have believed it. She expected a quaint little cabin. Junkrat expected a shack. Both were so very, very wrong.

It was two stories of luxury and comfort, lodge by name, chateau by nature. High glass windows sat at the front, where a breakfast nook was visible. A stone chimney jutted from the top, a wooden fence all around, an accompanying porch, and there was even a small balcony on the second floor, likely from one of the bedrooms. It towered, a welcoming, snowcapped palace, enclosed by dozens of trees and bushes. Picturesque would be too weak of a word.

-/-/-/-/-

Winston was awoken from his nap by the sound of his videophone ringing. Smacking his lips and rubbing away the sleep, he ambled over to it and clicked it on.

“WINSTON!”

The scientist was nearly thrown backwards by the simultaneous shout of Junkrat and Mei. Adjusting his glasses, he asked “Mei! Junkrat! Are the two of you alright?”

Junkrat’s cackle rattled in his ears. “’Awright’? ‘Awright’? We’s better than ‘awright’! Ya didn’t tell us we wuz staying in _this_!” The tablet’s camera moved to showcase the lodge that the two were to stay in. “Lookit it this! Faaaaaaaaaaaaancy! Ah could live like a king in here! Didn’t know Overwatch had this in their back pockets.”

“Oh, yes.” Winston chortled. “Well, it’s not technically Overwatch’s. It’s on indefinite loan from a friend of mine. Marty-O, I believe was his name? He’s always traveling the world with his girlfriend, so he said we could use it for as long as we wanted.”

The Australian paused. “Marty-O? The hell kinda name is…” He paused, and then shook his head. “Know what? I don’t care. This is one fuck of a house! You’re tha best, Ape Escape!” The tablet switched off, Winston’s frown reflected in the blackness of the screen.

“I’ve asked him a thousand times not to call me that…” he mumbled as he began his morning routine.

-/-/-/-/-

As impressive as the house was on the outside, the inside was far more spectacular. They were met with a high ceiling, gorgeous natural light from the windows, and enough space to, in Junkrat’s words, ‘stuff tha whole of their hideout’n have room fer tha trailer’. And Mei, in so many words, was inclined to agree.

Junkrat was a blur as he zoomed around the first floor, ‘ooh-ing’ and ‘aah-ing’ at everything. At first, Mei thought it was adorable, until she realized that, in his life as a junker, a fugitive, and member of Overwatch, he likely hadn’t been exposed to such luxuries.

Come to think of it, neither had she.

Mei was jolted from her musings by Junkrat shrieking like a banshee. Looking around, she saw no sign of him, and her hand moved to her blaster–

“Mei!” Junkrat zoomed down the stairs, grabbed the brunette by the arm, and yanked her up the stairs with.

Once they reached the top, he the open the door closest to the landing and gestured with a wide sweep of his hand. “Check out this bedroom!”

It was like something out of a storybook. Cream-colored carpeting, a small door next to the bed that led out to the balcony they saw earlier. And speaking of the bed, it was incredible. Big enough for three people, four-poster, with white curtains, gold stars gleaming through the fabric.

“Oh my god…” Mei marveled. “This is incredible! This is, this is–” She cut herself off in the middle of her gushing, noticing that Junkrat was oddly quiet. Which was never a good sign. Nor was the lecherous grin he was giving her. “Why are you staring at me like that? What sort of thoughts are running through your dirty head?”

“Oh, plenty.” snickered Junkrat. “Tha lovely view. Tha space. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the sex we could have on that fancy-ass bed.”

“Your mind is permanently in the gutter.”

“S’not a ‘no’, darl.” Junkrat scooped Mei up in his arms and immediately went for her neck, nibbling the soft flesh of his precious climatologist. Mei purred softly as his teeth scraped her collarbone, cuddling into his embrace. She felt she could lose herself in the feel of his teeth against her, when a quick glance out the window reminded her of their purpose.

“Junkrat! We can’t; we have work to do!”

The junker groaned in irritation as Mei wriggled from his grasp. Somewhere up there, some cruel god was having too much fun torturing him.

-/-/-/-/-

By the time they finished bringing all their things into the house and setting up the larger equipment, it was mid-afternoon. The sun was beginning its gradual descent, the faint pink of the evening slowly beginning to show.

As Junkrat’s technological expertise catered more towards destruction, he was left to his own devices as Mei took full charge of equipment setup. After checking out the rooms (and setting up traps around the perimeter), he’d returned to simply watch her.

At first, he’d engaged in typical Junkrat behavior; none-too-subtly checking out her ass and making the occasional lewd comment that she scolded him for with red cheeks and a hidden smile.

Then, as he ran out of material and places to eye-molest her, he simply sat back and…watched. Watched as she worked, flitting around like a hummingbird as she connected cables, linked up satellite connections, adjusted barometers, double, triple, quadruple checked weather-alert programs. She was a one-woman workforce, and in no time at all, the weather monitoring system was in place, ready to collect all the data for their mission during their rest periods.

It was a treat to see in her in motion, in her element. The smile never left her face, and Junkrat found his own smile forming. He was so happy just to see her happy, doing what she loved and did best. His heart fluttered at the sight of her passion; it was so much like his own.

“ _Zhōngyú wánchéngle!****_ ” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “I think I’ve got it, at last.” She gestured to the machine that now stood proudly in the yard. To Junkrat, who was used to more haphazard, junker technology, it was a gleaming, shiny, sterile disaster of buttons and dials. But Mei regarded it as though it were one of the greatest innovations of the modern world. “This will collect and catalogue all the data from the anomaly when it occurs, so we won’t miss a thing.”

“Finally!” said Junkrat. “Does that mean we can head inside now and enjoy ourselves?”

“Hardly!” Mei replied. “Now, the real fun begins.” She raced back inside and returned with an armful of small, sphere-shaped objects. “We need to set these data relay pods up in about a two-mile radius of the weather monitoring system. If we hurry, we can get it done before nightfall.”

Junkrat groaned as Mei pushed several of the spheres into his arms and sped off, motioning him to follow. Sometimes, the things he did for love…

-/-/-/-/-

Two and a half hours (and one very irate polar bear Junkrat got a little too close to) later, Junkrat and Mei had finally set up the pods, and made it back to the cabin safely. Junkrat may have been one to really enjoy the fruits of hard labor, but he was sore in nearly every part of his body, and despite his layers, still felt chilled to his core. Mei, by sharp contrast, looked absolutely undaunted.

“Today was certainly a productive day.” she said brightly. “Did you have fun?”

“Define ‘fun’.” groused Junkrat as he moved a chair back and forth with his foot. “Ain’t this supposed to be a vacation?”

“A _mission_ , Jamie.” Mei chided. “We were sent to do a job, don’t forget.” Despite her enthusiasm for the mission, she could tell Junkrat was having a less than ideal time. Luckily, she had a solution. “How about I make you a nice snack?” Junkrat’s eyes lit up and Mei raised a hand. “And before you ask, _no_ , I’m not the snack.”

Junkrat snapped his fingers. “Damn.”

Mei shook her head and walked to the fridge. As she passed Junkrat she paused to lean into his ear. “That can come later.”

-/-/-/-/-

A short while later and the cabin was filled with the mouthwatering, tantalizing smell of pork and chicken, accompanied by ginger, topped with the sound of Mei’s whimsical humming. Junkrat sat at the table, watching as she cooked. He’d offered to help, but the second Mei saw him reach for a jar of vegemite, she’d whacked his hand with a spoon and told him to sit. 

He sipped a glass of iced tea tried not to focus on the rumbling of his stomach, or the fact that Mei was blurring the line between cute and sexy in terrycloth shorts, a thin top, and an apron with ‘You Dim Sum, You Lose Sum’ written on it. Truly her best work at teasing him to date. Caught between starvation and horniness, it was a miracle Junkrat was staying as still as long as he had. 

Snowball floated next to him, keeping a fair amount of distance from the junker. Occasionally Junkrat would glance in his direction, but say and do nothing. Which was a shocking, but welcome, relief. 

“How much loooooooonger?” whined Junkrat, starving in both senses of the word. 

“ _Nàixīn yīdiǎn*****_!” chided the climatologist. “I’m almost done. Find some way to entertain yourself until then.”

She regretted her words when she felt Junkrat latch onto her, his metal arm around her waist, his flesh arm grabbing her chest and squeezing. She squeaked in surprise, spilling in a bit more soy sauce then she needed, and blushed. “This _isn’t_ what I meant.”

Junkrat’s response was to squeeze her tighter, a moan escaping her lips as his rough, calloused hand sank into her breast. “Don’t be so coy, darl. Ol’ Junkrat’s been a good boy all day; don’t ah deserve ta be rewarded fer my efforts?”

“I’m making you dinner!”

Junkrat nipped at Mei’s ear, her knees buckling. “Ah’d rather have dessert.”

Loud, angry beeping jolted the two from their revelry. Snowball’s screen was flashing in red Chinese characters. To Junkrat, they merely looked like gibberish. But Mei regarded the little robot with a shocked face.

“Snowball! That’s so very rude! He’s not… _hurting_ me…”

“Well--”

Mei lightly swatted Junkrat on the nose. “Shush.” Pushing him around and pointing to the table, she ordered him to take his seat again, and Snowball to apologize to Junkrat. The robot flashed ‘Sorry’ across its screen, earning an annoyed grunt from the Australian but nothing more. Mei returned to the food, trying to hide the flirty smile on her face.

-/-/-/-/-

“Ta-da!” Mei set down a steaming, enormous plate of dumplings and two full rice bowls, smiling ear to ear. “Sink your teeth into Mei’s perfect dumplings!”

Junkrat leapt to his feet, finger raised, eyes alight in perverted mischief, but Mei beat him to the punch with a firm, but playful bonk on the head. “I know what I said, now shush,” She handed him a pair of metal chopsticks and set down a bottle of soy sauce. “And eat.”

The two shared a lovely meal, the contrast between Junkrat’s ravenous eating and Mei’s more delicate style all the more palpable with the emptiness of the cabin. Twice Mei had to stop Junkrat from eating so fast he’d choke. When the pair finished, set the dishes to soak, and lit some candles, they retired to the plush couch in the living room. 

“Mei, darl…” Junkrat groaned happily as Mei settled into his lap. “That was spec-tac-u-lar. Ah think ya killed me.”

A turnaround and a kiss to the cheek was Mei’s reply. “I would never kill my favorite junker.”

Junkrat chuckled. “Oh-ho-ho! So ah’m yer favorite, eh? Ta think ya were such an ice queen when we first met. Ah’d never recognize ya now, Snowflake. Ya were so _cold_.”

Mei rolled her eyes and stroked Junkrat’s cheek. “Well, I… _warmed up_ to you eventually.”

The blonde stared down at Mei with a gleeful grin. “Hooly-dooly! Lookit you, breakin’ out the puns. Startin’ ta think my status as the Pun Prince is in jepperdy!”

“Well, if you’re a prince, does that make me your _puncess_?”

Both burst into laughter before snuggling into the couch. A contented sigh escaped Mei’s lips as the warmth from Junkrat spread through her. Despite the backdrop of a mission, Mei truly felt like this was a vacation. A luxurious cabin, a pleasant snowscape, and her lover all at once. This truly must be what paradise is like, she thought. 

The same thought must’ve been running through Junkrat’s head. He delicately turned Mei’s head to him and kissed her. She’d had some sort of citrusy wine with dinner; that same taste, so tart and sweet, danced on his tongue as her own pushed past his lips. It was perfect; the cabin, the mood lighting, the solitude, and best of all...Snowball in his charging dock. Absolutely nothing could ruin this--

_beepbeepbeepbeep_

One moment Junkrat was on the couch. In another moment, he was on the floor. He had no recollection of the in-between period that should’ve been him flying through the air as Mei hurled him from her lap. “The system!”

Junkrat couldn’t even muster up the energy to scream in frustration. He merely clasped his hands to his face and sighed.

“ _Ó, wǒ de shàngdì******_! Junkrat, get up, get up! We have to check it!”

“Nah, thanks, ah’ll jus’ lie on tha floor with my frickin’ erection and--”

His grousing was silenced as Mei grabbed his foot and began dragging him outside.

The cold was a _beast_. Fangs of ice bit at his chest. Claws of frozen air slashed across his face. And in the darkness of the arctic night, he could hear echoing howls of the wind, almost malevolent and alive. He'd never admit it, but he was actually glad he had the parka. He might have been used to the searing heat of Oz, but he seemed to have ended up in the coldest part of Hoth.

Mei was either immune to, or too excited to care, about the cold. The weather monitoring system was blinking rapidly and beeping just as loudly. She released Junkrat’s arm and rushed over to the machine, inspecting it and muttering to herself.

Junkrat sighed as he slumped in the slow. “Well, me balls’re blue. Rest’a me oughta match.”

Propping one leg up, he gaze upwards at the night sky. Despite the cold and his frustration, he had to admit, it was a nice sight. The snow was pretty. The delicate white flakes, shimmering and sparkling their rainbow colors--

Junkrat bolted upright. He may not have had a lot of experience with snow, but he knew it didn’t sparkle in rainbow colors. “Mei! Wot’s up with the snow!? Mother Nature tryin’ an alternative lifestyle?”

“Junkrat, whatever do you--” Mei stopped herself mid-sentence as she took notice of the snowflakes. They danced along her field of vision, little falling auroras.

“I can’t believe it…” she whispered in awe. “Zuànshí fěnchén. Diamond dust.” She knew of the phenomenon. She’d read about it thousands of times in texts and files. But she never once thought she’d get the chance to see it in real life. And it was even more beautiful that she could’ve imagined.

No.

Beautiful was too meager a word to describe the event unfolding. Junkrat got to his feet, standing still for the first time in a long time as the diamond dust fell, awestruck by their beauty. The very air seemed to glow in the seven colors. And they would’ve stayed outside all night, if not for the sudden kick up of wind and snow that chilled them both.

“We can watch from inside!” screamed Junkrat as he leapt to Mei and hoisted her over his shoulder, racing back inside.

-/-/-/-/-

They pushed the couch up against the window, rested against it, and watched. Watched as the diamond dust snow danced, pretty, shimmering, almost magical. Data poured into the terminal but neither paid any mind. The sight before them was better than any numbers on a screen could describe.

“Okay, Snowflake, ah gotta admit.” Junkrat said, resting his head against Mei’s shoulder. “This a helluva sight. Mean, it don't compare ta you at all, but it's sure nice.”

Blushing from the comment, Mei snuggled closer to Junkrat. “See? Isn't nature amazing?”

“Don’tcha mean ‘a-Mei-zing’?” laughed Junkrat as Mei rolled her eyes. “But anything’s amazin’ iffin ah’m wit you, darl.”

Mei faced the Junker with wide eyes and a bemused smile. “That was actually very sweet to say. Who are you and what have you done with Junkrat?”

The junker snuggled closer, relishing the warmth radiating from his snowflake. “Still tha same ol’ me, sweet stuff. Same ol’ Junkrat.”

Smiling, Mei kissed his cheek and nuzzled into the crook of his arm, both beautiful sights reflected in her eyes; the wild, mad bomber, and the kaleidoscopic diamond dust.

“Same old Junkrat.” she echoed, moments before blissful sleep overtook her, Junkrat following not long after.

-/-/-/-/-

Unbeknownst to the sleeping pair, while the diamond dust also fell, it piled. As they slept through the night, it came down and gradually began to blanket the area. The weather monitoring system beeped and beeped, until the middle of it was coated in snow…

-/-/-/-/-

Angular, amber eyes awoke to the sound of birdsong. Light beamed through the wide window, bathing junker and climatologist in a warm, golden glow. Smacking his lips and stretching, Junkrat took notice of his surroundings. The fantastic cabin with its high ceiling and big windows, and the peacefully snoozing Mei curled up in his lap.

The memories of the previous day steadily came back. The long trek, the traveling through the mountains setting up equipment. The wonderful dinner, fate getting in the way of him getting lucky _again_ , the admittedly glorious sight of the diamond dust, the snow--

His eyes widened. The snow.

Leaping up, he turned around and gaped. “Uh...Mei? Darl?Wake up. We got a bit of a...situation.”

Mei blinked awake, peering up at Junkrat through bleary eyes. “What happened? Did Snowball activate one of your mines again?”

“Okay, that was _one time_ , and...nah, it ain't that. Look outside.”

And Mei did. And gaped.

Whether it was the Antarctic watchpoint or her native China, Mei had never seen snow in this volume. The world seemed to have disappeared beneath a sea of white, looking more like a blank canvas. She just barely managed to make out the top of the weather monitoring system peeking above the snow, buried, but active. “Oh, dear.”

Sharing a quick glance, the two leapt from the couch and raced to the door. Junkrat reached it first and yanked it open.

And was promptly flattened by a wall of snow.

“Jamie!” Mei exclaimed, digging through the snow until she found the orange of his metal arm. Gripping it, she pulled out the dazed junker and wiped the snow off him.

“Hooly-dooly…” he rasped. “Anyone get tha number of whatever just hit me?”

-/-/-/-/-/

“It has to be at least eight feet.” Mei mused as she sipped from a mug of hot chocolate. She looked outside, noting that the surrounding wildlife seemed unperturbed by the snow. A pair of finches flew past, and she smiled as she noticed their plumage; blue and orange.

“Eight feet!?” shouted Junkrat. “How in the hell’re we gonna get through eight feet’a snow!?” He paused. “Actually--”

Without even turning to face him, Mei said “We are not blowing up the snow.”

Junkrat groaned and flopped onto a nearby chair. “How do you always do that?”

Mei whirled around with a flourish, the blanket on her shoulders whipping like a cape. She adjusted her glasses, light catching the lenses and shining. “That’s because...I _snow_ you.”

There were many times Junkrat though his love for Mei couldn’t grow any deeper. He was usually proven wrong. Like right now. “Anyone ever tell you yer tha best in tha world, darl?”

She strode over to where he sat, knelt, and kissed him. She pulled away with a grin, leaving him tasting chocolate and a hint of marshmallow. “You. Every day. And I never get tired of it.”

The pleasant environment aside, they were still on a mission, and had to unearth the weather monitoring system. It had decent shielding and a backup battery in case of emergencies, but neither knew how long it would last, especially in these conditions.

But the biggest problem was making it through the snow. Eight feet was nothing to scoff at. Neither was particularly inclined to shovel, shuck, and carve through that much snow, AND on top of that, they still had to do some field work. Collect snow and flora samples, see how the diamond dust affected the local wildlife, the list went on.

And worse still, the two of them had an even more pressing problem. A more...physical one.

Mei wasn’t naive. After being together so long with Junkrat, she had developed an almost supernatural ability to pick up on his thoughts and desires. Whether it was telling how much he wanted to blow something up, or when he was about to use the less than ideal language in a diplomatic situation, or even when figuring out what he wanted for dinner. He was by no means an open book. She was just that good. 

Likewise, Junkrat was just tuned in to Mei’s wavelength as she his. In his line (or rather, former) of work, knowing people proved to be a valuable asset. Mannerisms, tone, intonation, even the subtle, almost miniscule tells of body language, all were like billboards to him. It was just a matter of caring enough to act on them. With Mei, he cared. More than he’d ever admit to anyone but her. And Roadhog, of course.

In spite of the cold, the air within seemed to increase more than a few degrees. Mei saw the signs. The hungry look in his eyes. The way he licked his lips. The slowly forming bulge in his trousers.

Likewise, Junkrat saw the signs in her. The blush of her cheeks. The fidgety way she rubbed her legs together. The devious smirk.

Mei set down her hot chocolate and walked past him, over to the couch, beckoning him with a finger. 

Normally, he’d have leaped at her and taken her there, but the energy radiating off the two of them was so strong he was actually scared. For the first time in a long time. It’d been almost three days since the pair were last intimate, and if Mei was initiating it, that _really_ meant things were getting heated.

Once Junkrat was seated, Mei clambered on top of him, grinding her hips. “We only have time for something quick.” she whispered as she lowered her head to his ear, gently flicking her tongue against the lobe. “We still have to clear the snow and check the machine.”

“ _Snow_ worries, love.” snickered Junkrat. “I’ll have ya _hailing_ lickity-split.”

Mei rolled her eyes. “Puns? Now, of all times?” She ran her hands down his chest, slowly zipping down his parka. “You ought to be the one to shovel the snow for that.”

And that’s when Junkrat got an idea. In fact, probably one of the best ideas he’d ever had. And he was completely unable to hide the glee from his face.

“What are you planning, _móguǐ*******_?” she asked.

-/-/-/-/-

Mei had to hand it to Junkrat. His creativity knew no bounds. 

Sex was assured; Snowball was in its charging dock. Winston had been updated on the status (their extracurricular activities were, of course, kept quiet) and he had given them the okay to wait it out. If he knew what they were planning, he didn't show it. The weather monitoring machine was powered down. Short of an avalanche, a sudden bear attack, or another improbable act of nature, nothing would stop them.

The rules were simple; it would be like a game of ping pong. In the throes of their carnal bliss, they’d take turns tossing puns at each other. Naturally, given their location, most were bound to be snow and ice-based, with Mei having a clear advantage. Whoever managed to get out the last pun before climax would be the winner, the loser doomed to clear the snow.

It was certainly to be a challenge for the ages, both sides extremely determined to win.

And have sex. Lots of sex.

After agreeing to the terms, the pair scurried off to the bedroom, slamming the door (locking it for good measure) and going about undressing. “Y’now, darl.” Junkrat commented, kicking off his lone shoe. “Never understood why ya wear so many layers. Ya always look _hot_ ta me.”

A giggle escaped Mei as she slipped out of her shorts, grinning at the way Junkrat’s eyes immediately locked onto her snowflake panties. “Funny, coming from you. I always heard you were the one with _no chill_.”

The junker’s loud cackle rang out through the dwelling. This was certainly turning out to be more fun than he thought. 

Mei drank in Junkrat’s form as he disrobed; the washboard of his abs coming into perfect view. She recalled when she first saw them so long ago, and her mind was baffled at how someone so lanky and gangly and...well, _Junkrat_...could be so...defined. His pants were finally discarded, and her patience was rewarded with an excellent sight. Eight pulsing inches bobbed freely, a pearl of precum forming at the tip.

Junkrat was doing his own eyeing of Mei. Her shirt fell to the floor in a crumpled heap, followed by her panties. As Junkrat stared at Mei, he felt all the ambient sound of the world simply fall away. His throat grew dry, and as his eyes roved over Mei's voluptuous form, every roll, every curve, every mound, his chest tightened and cock swelled. It was as though he were possessed. His sense, his restraint (what little there was), it all became kindling to feed the roaring fire between his legs that only grew and grew and grew.

“Damn, darl.” smirked Junkrat as he walked towards Mei. “You're looking like a _freeze_ for the eyes.” It was weak, but there were more important things occupying his head. Both of them.

Mei removed her hairpin, her hair spilling over her shoulders. She handed it to Junkrat, who only looked at it in confusion. “Next time you try to come up with a pun...put a _pin_ in it.”

 _‘Fuck, that was a good one.’_ he thought.

With the pin set aside, Junkrat decided it was time to step the game up. There was no warning; he simply grabbed Mei around the waist, pulled her close, and clamped his lips over hers.

The taste of chocolate and marshmallow still lingered. His tongue pushed through, but he was surprised to find Mei’s own pushing back with just as much force. They spun and coiled, a fierce yet loving dance of intimacy.

After too short a while, they pulled apart, a string of saliva connecting their tongues briefly before it broke and landed between Mei’s breasts. “That was intense, darl.” he purred, kissing just beneath her chin. “Ya really… _took my breath away_.”

His victory was short-lived as Mei gripped him, spun, and pressed him against the side of the bed. “If you want intense…” She trailed her fingers down his chest, smiling at the way he shivered beneath her touch, goosebumps appearing in the wake. “I'll _snow_ you.”

The smell radiating off Junkrat’s cock made her mouth water and her head spin. The memory the first time she tasted it came back full force as she gently licked the tip. So familiar...the same salty, bitter flavor that always had her wanting more...

A squeaky moan burst from Junkrat, followed by a deep, pleasurable shudder. He nearly forgot they were in the midst of a game as Mei’s lips, so plush and inviting, closed over the head of his cock. The warmth of her mouth spread throughout him like a blaze, licking, licking, licking…

“S-Shit...Mei, darl...next time, gimme a… _heads_ up.”

She pulled herself off the junker’s member and flashed him a devious smile. “Where's the _pun_ in that?” 

Mei hoisted Junkrat onto the bed (the two taking a brief moment marvel at just how soft and comfortable it was), and sat stop him. Despite her weight pinning him to the bed, he knew; there was no place in the world he’d rather be than right here, with her, gazing up at his one and only, his truly unique snowflake. She caught the light beautifully, from the way her chocolate brown hair shimmered, to the almost ethereal of her snow-white skin, the sundae sweetness of her smile. Truly there was proof of divinity; Mei-Ling Zhou.

“...ie...Jamie?”

“Hm?” Junkrat replied still caught in his Mei-focused daze.

Mei saw the faraway, soppy look on his face and felt a swell of pride. It was rare to get Junkrat quiet, literally dumbstruck, and she’d done it so easily. “Are you alright?”

“‘Course ah am. Right as rain, Snowflake. Just thinking about the _frost_ time ah laid eyes on you.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. That was a hell of a play. “Well, well…someone’s stepped their game up.”

“Wot can ah say?” He moved his hands to her waist and guided them upwards to her breasts, kneading them gently. She bit her lip, trying her best to keep in the moans that welled up within her. “Ya inspire me. In more ways than one.”

“Oooooh…” Mei whispered as she held Junkrat’s hands against her chest. “ _Slush._ ”

They ground against each other, the only sound filling the room the gentle squeaking of the bed and their soft moans. Their game continued through their bout of dry-humping, the two barely spilling out puns between moans and groans of pleasure. Both were trying their best to keep their cool, pride and threat of potentially hours of snow-shoveling at stake. Mei matched him verbally blow for blow, but Junkrat’s retaliations, squeezing her breasts, flicking, teasing, twisting her nipples, biting at her flesh and leaving deep marks that would be pleasant yet sore reminders in the morning.

Eventually, the dry-humping was discarded in favor of a change in position. Mei was on her knees, gripping the headboard as Junkrat teased her slit with his aching dick. Her juices were sliding down her thigh, her moans were ringing in Junkrat’s ears, skin flushed pink all over as she held headboard and senses, her grip on both slipping. 

If just her entrance was so hot, he could only imagine what it was like once he pushed his way in. But he wanted her to ache. To squirm. To face him, sweaty, pleading, desperate, and burning with so much desire and want that she'd cast aside any preconceived notions of pride she had and _**beg**_.

“Ya look like yer about to faint, darl.” Junkrat pressed the tip of his cock. “Guess ya can’t _weather_ anymore, huh?”

“Teasing me so much…” Mei whispered. “That’s a _slippery slope_ you’re traveling down.”

God help him, he loved her. And as much as he loved teasing her, he loved making her squeal all the more.

When Mei felt Junkrat’s tip slide away from her, she was disappointed at first. For only about a second. “Jamie? Is something--” Her words dissolved into a strangled gasp as she felt him, white hot and throbbing, drive into her, all the way to the hilt. “ _Jamiiiiieee!_ ”

It’d been so long he’d almost forgotten how glorious her insides were. Smooth as silk, but hot as an oven! He thrust in and out of her steadily, the wet, slick sounds of their union intermingling with their moans. Mei turned her head to face him, her vibrant brown eyes in a lovestruck, ravished glaze, drool dribbling from the corner of her open, quivering mouth. “J-Jamie…”

“Whatsamatta, Snowflake?” Junkrat grunted. He gripped Mei’s bottom and held on for dear life as he thrust. “Do ya need ta take a _powder_?”

She was impressed. He was still playing. But everything had to come to an end eventually. Whether it was an inventive pun battle, or mind-blowing sex. But Mei-Ling Zhou never gave up easily.

“H-Haaghly…” she blushed and cleared her throat. “Hardly. I d-don’t--oh, _tā mā de...********_...I don’t _flake._ ”

“Seems ta me yer on _thin ice_ , Snowflake.” He smacked her hard on the ass with his metal hand, earning a shriek from Mei that made her cover her mouth with her free hand. Or at least try. Junkrat grabbed her arms with one hand and gripped her hair with the other, yanking her back. She was howling now, eyes nearly rolling in the back of her head as she panted, her cries of ecstasy rapidly shifting between English and Chinese. Victory seemed certain, which was good, because the way her cunt was clamping down on him, he would come any second…

“Don’t…”

Junkrat cracked open an eye, his gaze focused on Mei. “Don’t what, darl? Stop?”

She bit her lip and shook her head. “Don’t...make any _snap_ judgements.”

With surprising, animalistic strength, she broke from his grasp, pulled him close, and kissed him. 

It was enough to push them both over the edge. They collapsed onto the bed in a mass of tangled limbs, their orgasms loud, wailing, nearly shattering the windows. And so they lied on the bed, still connected, in heart and body. Weary, sweaty, flush, and content.

“I think…” Mei whispered. “That was a...draw…”

Junkrat chuckled and kissed Mei on the cheek. “Eh. It don’t matter none to me, darl. Ah still won in the end.”

“Oh? And how do you figure?”

He pulled her close and rested his head against her neck. “Why do ya think? Ah’ve got you.”

Mei giggled and squeezed up against her precious junker as exhaustion began to overtake them. “ _Qīn'ài de wǒ_ *********...how did I ever end up with such a man?”

“How’d ah end up with such a sheila?”

A final kiss, and sleep overtook them, mad bomber and ice queen, each with a satisfied smile on their face.

-/-/-/-/-

Hazel and amber awoke to bright, warming sunlight. But also the sounds of frantic beeping. Both sets of eyes turned to see Snowball floating above them, sporting a pink screen in what was likely its version of a blush, and pink Chinese characters flashing. 

“Wot, is tha thing embarrassed?” asked Junkrat. “If it wants a show, it’s a little late to tha party.”

“Jamison!” chided Mei, stifling giggles. She spoke to the little robot in Chinese, its default blue color gradually returning. Beeping out an apology, it floated back to its charging dock to rest.

“Ah still don’t loike how it cockblocked me earlier. That thing’s got it out for me, ah swear.”

Mei sighed as she pulled herself up and nuzzled the back of Junkrat’s neck. “You’re being silly. Snowball just gets worried about me easily.” She licked the back of Junkrat’s ear and smiled at how he nearly jumped out his skin. “Much like a certain someone I know.”

A light makeout session later and they found themselves in the shower. As awkward as it was trying to keep Junkrat balanced with his missing limbs, they managed to make it work. The hot water was nothing compared to the searing heat between the two as they made love. Despite their best efforts, they finally got clean, made it downstairs, and were met with the same dilemma they’d put off.

“Eight feet’a snow…” Junkrat huffed. “Not a fun way ta start a work day.”

“At least we’re doing it together.” 

Junkrat faced her with a grin. “Oh, we already did plenty together, Snowflake.”

Mei handed gave him a shovel and a cheek kiss before playfully swatting him. “I’ll let that one _slide_.”

END

**Author's Note:**

> *no  
> **look  
> ***darling  
> ****finally finished  
> *****be patient  
> ******oh my god  
> *******devil  
> ********fuck  
> *********my dear


End file.
